Two dads walk into a pun-off… and somehow, it’s exactly what you’d expect.
If you’ve ever seen Daddy’s Home or its sequel (yep, they made two), then you already know the unhinged, glorious chaos that happens when Will Ferrell’s over-eager cornball collides with Mark Wahlberg’s tough-love swagger. Now imagine those two as your actual dads… just tag-teaming to ruin every barbecue with dad jokes that make your soul giggle and your spine cringe.

This article is basically that. You’re about to dive head-first into the most awkward, brilliant, and straight-up ridiculous Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg dad jokes collab ever dreamt up. You’ll either laugh… or call your therapist. Let’s go.

Stepdad Swagger Meets Stepdad Slapstick

• “I’m not saying I’m the cool dad, but my thermostat knows not to ask.”
• “I once gave a high-five so hard it became a low-slap.”
• “Discipline? Nah, I just flex till the problem runs away.”
• “I taught my kid to ride a bike by growling at it.”
• “Why mow the lawn when you can intimidate it shorter?”
• “My grilling apron says ‘Steaks are high’ and I live by that.”
• “Ferrell cries during Pixar. I flex till Pixar apologizes.”
• “My parenting style is 30% discipline, 70% doing push-ups in the mirror.”
• “My idea of bonding? Bench press competitions at 8 a.m.”
• “‘Let’s talk it out’ is Ferrell-speak for ‘he lost again.’”
• “I didn’t lose my hairline, it surrendered.”
• “Kids respect me… or at least fear me and that’s close enough.”
• “I once grounded my kid just for blinking weird.”
• “The secret to dad confidence? Sunglasses indoors.”

Classic Will Ferrell Dad Joke One Liners

• “I’m not yelling, I’m just project-laughing.”
• “My GPS told me to turn left, I went comedic instead.”
• “Knock knock. Who’s there? DAD. That’s it. I’m always there.”
• “I tried to spank the WiFi into working.”
• “I got kicked out of yoga for excessive dad groaning.”
• “I don’t snore. I sound check for bedtime concerts.”
• “My parenting book is just a DVD of Elf.”
• “I told my kid I invented pizza rolls. They believed me.”
• “I once got grounded by my own parenting app.”
• “My car has Bluetooth, but my jokes only come in VHS.”
• “My fashion sense is ‘garage sale meets regret.’”
• “I sneeze like an airhorn on tour.”
• “I once laughed so hard I grounded myself.”
• “My grill is smarter than me but still respects me.”

Testosterone & Tears: Wahlberg’s Softie Side

• “Yeah I fight grizzlies, but I also cry at bedtime stories.”
• “I punch drywall and also braid hair like a pro.”
• “I bench press regret and emotional growth.”
• “You think I’m tough? My daughter picked this pink shirt.”
• “Being vulnerable? Harder than leg day.”
• “I used to do stunts, now I do diaper changes.”
• “Discipline with love… and a small side of fear.”
• “I taught my son to box and how to fold socks.”
• “Yeah I cry. It’s called emotional deadlifting.”
• “My lullabies sound like action trailers.”
• “I don’t babysit I dad. There’s a difference.”
• “I’ve fought more Lego pieces than actual people.”
• “I once changed a diaper using only my willpower.”
• “My abs are scared of my toddler.”

Grill Masters & Joke Disasters

• “Real dads don’t use timers they sense the meat’s feelings.”
• “I flipped the burger. And my back.”
• “I wear flip-flops to assert grilling dominance.”
• “Tongs are just dad extensions.”
• “My apron says ‘Licensed to Grill,’ and my wife hates it.”
• “You ever seen someone flip a burger like it owes them money?”
• “Grill smoke is my cologne now.”
• “I once grilled tofu just to flex on vegetarians.”
• “I burn meat and expectations equally.”
• “I grill like it’s a UFC match.”
• “My spatula has seen things.”
• “Charcoal isn’t burnt it’s just flavor armor.”
• “I don’t use recipes. I use instinct and stubbornness.”

Lawn Wars: Turf, Tools, and Testosterone

• “My mower’s louder than your dreams.”
• “I edge the lawn like it insulted my ancestry.”
• “Saturdays are for mowing and philosophical breakthroughs.”
• “I mow in patterns. The grass respects geometry.”
• “My neighbors fear my weed-whacker form.”
• “Fertilizer? Nah, I just intimidate the grass into growing.”
• “I once held a rake-off with my neighbor. Still undefeated.”
• “I sharpen my mower blade in the moonlight.”
• “I whisper dad jokes to my lawn so it grows ashamed.”
• “Crabgrass? More like coward-grass.”
• “My mower starts with a roar and ends with enlightenment.”
• “I measure manhood by lawn stripe symmetry.”

Carpool Chaos with These Two Dads

• “I told Siri to avoid traffic, she said ‘Not with him driving.’”
• “I put on a podcast, my kid put on earplugs.”
• “I do school drop-off like it’s Fast & Ferrell-ous.”
• “I once parallel parked emotionally.”
• “My GPS sighs every time I turn it on.”
• “Driving is just parenting but with honking.”
• “I make left turns like they’re emotional decisions.”
• “Mark drives like he’s chasing someone. Me? I’m chasing ideas.”
• “Our carpool playlist is mostly dad grunts and old rock.”
• “I once gave a TED Talk during a traffic jam.”

School Meetings & Misadventures

• “My PTA shirt says ‘Pizza, Tantrums, Attendance.’”
• “I once high-fived the principal and got detention.”
• “I brought a PowerPoint to parent-teacher night.”
• “Mark threatened the vending machine again.”
• “I raised my hand and forgot the question. Twice.”
• “We got kicked out of the talent show rehearsal… again.”
• “Our kid’s science fair included a meat smoker.”
• “I wore a cape to Career Day. They asked me to leave.”
• “We consider ‘extra credit’ a competitive sport.”
• “My conference notes are just doodles of me grilling.”

Holiday Dad Mode Activated

• “I wrap gifts with duct tape and confusion.”
• “My Halloween costume was just ‘tired dad.’”
• “Mark lights fireworks like he’s launching satellites.”
• “We turned Easter into a CrossFit event.”
• “Thanksgiving? I deep-fried the entire tablecloth.”
• “Our Christmas lights can be seen from Saturn.”
• “We hosted a Fourth of July BBQ in February. Just because.”
• “I hid the Elf on a Shelf in the oven. No regrets.”
• “I dressed as Santa, then forgot. Scarred the kids for life.”
• “Holiday spirit? I am the spirit. Mark is the chaos.”

Emotional Growth and Dad Woes

• “I tried to apologize but gave a TED Talk instead.”
• “Mark says sorry with grilled meat offerings.”
• “We went to therapy once, turned it into a pun battle.”
• “I cried during a cereal commercial.”
• “Emotions are like lawn tools sharp and rarely used right.”
• “Sometimes the kid grounds me emotionally.”
• “We’re emotionally available… during commercial breaks.”
• “Ferrell hugs like a warm pancake. Mark hugs like a firm bench press.”
• “I say ‘I love you’ like it’s a battle cry.”

Will & Mark’s Parenting One Liners Worth Stealing

• “If yelling worked, my WiFi would be perfect.”
• “Dad jokes aren’t a choice. They’re a genetic curse.”
• “When in doubt, just say ‘Because I said so.’”
• “Bedtime stories are just lies with morals.”
• “Laundry isn’t done. It’s just hiding now.”
• “The sock monster feeds on single dads.”
• “Our kids are the WiFi and we’re just trying to connect.”
• “Dads don’t lose arguments, we delay them until forgotten.”
• “We don’t sleep we just recharge in recliners.”
• “Silence isn’t peace. It’s usually glitter-related.”

Final Thoughts about Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg Dad Jokes

If Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg actually started a dad joke hotline, we’d be broke but happy. Whether you lean chaotic like Ferrell or fierce like Wahlberg, one thing’s for sure dad jokes live on forever… mostly in eye rolls.

Which of these puns made you laugh (or cringe) the hardest? Drop it in the comments and pass this list along to that one dad who thinks he’s the funniest at the cookout. He just might be. Maybe. Kind of. Okay, probably not… but let him dream.

Luna Sophia

Luna Sophia is the witty mind behind Puns Guru, specializing in the art of delivering clever puns and laugh-out-loud jokes. With a passion for wordplay and a knack for humor, Luna brings a daily dose of laughter to readers around the world. When not crafting punchlines, Luna’s probably pun-dering the next great joke.