150+ Prison Jokes You Can’t Escape From

Prison jokes you can’t escape from are officially on lockdown here and honestly, if laughter was a crime, you’d be doing hard time just for reading this. You ever sit there wonderin’ how folks behind bars find humor? Lemme tell you, gallows giggles and cellblock chuckles ain’t just for inmates.

This article’s busting out some of the most ridiculously funny prison puns and jokes that will cuff your funny bone and hold it hostage. You’re not gettin’ out early for good behavior either so read on, and lemme know which one gave you a life sentence of laughs.

Table of Contents

Jailhouse One Liners So Good, It’s Criminal

I tried smuggling a joke into prison, but it got locked up for being too punny.
Prison break? Nah, I just tripped over my cellmate’s ego.
The warden banned calendars because the inmates kept counting the days.
I dated a prisoner once. She said I was her “cell-mate for life.”
Bars are for drinking, unless you’re in jail then it’s just a design flaw.
I got thrown in solitary for talking to myself turns out I’m a bad influence.
My cellmate said he was framed. I said, “So was the art in the hall.”
In prison, even your shadow has a criminal record.
Don’t trust prisoners with secrets they tend to leak under pressure.
That jailhouse band? They couldn’t escape a flat note.
I tried cooking in prison, but the warden said my food was too “unlawful.”
She got arrested for stealing hearts. Sentence: Lifetime commitment.
He carved his name in jail history literally, on the lunch tray.
Told a joke in the yard, got life for assaulting funny bones.
My parole officer said I was released… from common sense.

Cell Block Shenanigans That Should Be Illegal

He said he was doing time. I said, “Make sure it’s not fashionably late.”
I joined a prison choir they said my voice was a flight risk.
That inmate started a book club mostly just escape manuals.
They tried to open a bakery in jail, but the dough kept disappearing.
Prison yoga classes are intense especially when your stretch partner has a shiv.
I asked my bunkie what his sign was. He said, “No Trespassing.”
The soap opera in prison? Mostly about who dropped the soap.
They banned mirrors too many inmates reflecting on bad decisions.
I saw a magician in prison. His best trick? Making guards disappear.
Tried learning guitar in jail, but every string came with conditions.
Someone stole the spoon from the mess hall it was a spoon-fed escape plan.
The warden gave out toothbrushes as gifts. Said we needed plaque control.
She started a hair salon in her cell. It was a cut-throat business.
They said laughter is the best medicine, but I still got 5 to 10.
The prison tattoo guy only did bars, stripes, and regrets.

Solitary Jokes That’ll Keep You Company

Being in solitary’s not bad me and my shadow are finally catching up.
I held a meeting with myself. Minutes were taken, sanity was not.
My imaginary friend in solitary is on better behavior than me.
I started a diary. Day 37: Talked to the wall. It’s rude.
I organized a talent show me vs. me. I still lost.
Played hide-and-seek alone. Found myself in denial.
I got grounded. In prison. In solitary. That’s levels of parental disappointment.
I tried chess. Lost to the toilet.
My toilet writes better poetry than I do. Sad times.
I told myself a joke. Now I’m on punishment.
I made a puppet outta socks. Now we argue nightly.
The ceiling’s my best friend. At least it’s always looking up.
Counted all the tiles, gave them names, now I’m emotionally invested.
Taught myself Morse code by blinking. Still blinkin’.
Started a podcast in my head. 3 listeners: Me, Me, and Still Me.

Escape Plan Puns That Never Got Away

His escape plan was full of holes literally, they caught him with a shovel.
The tunnel collapsed turns out dirt doesn’t sign NDAs.
He tried escaping dressed as a mop. Got swept up quick.
The only thing he broke out of was the vending machine.
Planned an escape through the laundry. Got hung out to dry.
Said he was tunneling out with a spoon. Got arrested for being souper delusional.
Used pigeons to send escape messages got caught when they pooped the plans.
The fake wall was convincing until someone leaned on it.
Hid in the cake. Forgot it was for the warden’s birthday.
Faked a cough to escape. Got free cough drops instead.
Tried bribing a guard with prison food. That was offensive on all levels.
His “master plan” was just a doodle of freedom.
Painted a tunnel. Ran straight into a wall.
Called an Uber from jail. 1-star plan.
Sent an email to the outside world. Forgot to log out of “WardenMail.”

Prison Guard Gags That’ll Get You Written Up

The guard said I was “cell-fish” for not sharing my snacks.
They tried humor once. It escaped.
Warden’s sense of humor was so dry, it got mistaken for the desert.
A guard smiled once caused a 3-day lockdown from confusion.
My guard’s jokes are so bad, I requested solitary.
The metal detector beeped. It was detecting sarcasm.
Told the guard a pun, got 30 days for cruel wordplay.
They trained a parrot for guard duty. It just screamed “Inmate 34!” on loop.
One guard thinks he’s a stand-up comic. His shift’s a crime scene.
Guards play Monopoly. They always pick “Go to Jail.”
Tried roasting the guard. He confiscated my fire.
The only thing tighter than prison security is their punchlines tight and painful.
I drew a cartoon of a guard. Now I draw curtains.
Their walkie-talkies have more personality than their jokes.
The only “pat-down” I want is applause for surviving the comedy drought.

Courtroom Comedy With a Life Sentence

“Guilty of being hilarious,” I told the judge. He wasn’t amused.
My lawyer asked for recess. We played tag in the hallway.
I objected to my sentence. The judge objected to my tie.
Said I was framed. Turns out, I just really like frames.
The prosecutor made a pun. Court adjourned outta shame.
Wore a chicken costume to trial. Pleaded poultry in motion.
They said I had no case. I brought a suitcase.
My lawyer used dad jokes as evidence. I got 20 to life.
Said “surprise witness” and pulled out a magician. Judge vanished.
I asked for trial by TikTok. It backfired.
The stenographer quit halfway. Said I was “too cringe to record.”
I cross-examined myself. Now we’re not speaking.
Judge asked for silence. I gave interpretive dance.
My defense was airtight. Except for all the holes.
The jury was hung… up on my outfit.

Prison Food Puns That’ll Make You Gag-Laugh

Our mashed potatoes doubled as wallpaper paste.
The meatloaf had a better criminal record than us.
“Mystery meat” should’ve stayed a mystery.
I chewed a biscuit and cracked the prison floor.
Breakfast cereal? Just gravel in disguise.
Coffee so strong, it tried to escape too.
Their soup has existential dread as an ingredient.
Salad was green. Possibly for legal reasons.
I asked what was in the stew. They said “history.”
Bread was so old, it had parole.
Beans came with a side of regret.
Butter was just a rumor.
The pudding testified against me in court.
That bologna could be used in hostage negotiations.
Toast so dry, it’s used in fire drills.

Lockdown Laughter That’s Contagious

During lockdown, I finally counted how many regrets fit in a cell.
Started a comedy club. Membership: 1.
Invented invisible jump rope. Took gold in solo Olympics.
Guards said no laughing. I giggled in Morse.
Made a doll out of toothpaste caps. She ghosted me.
Told my cellmate a pun. Got shanked with sarcasm.
Learned origami. Folded my will to live.
Formed a band: “The Inmate Rhythms.” We broke up before our first song.
Had a pillow fight with no pillow. Still lost.
Started a rumor. Became famous. Still in lockdown.
Found Jesus. He asked for new cellmates.
Played chess with the ants. They cheated.
Invented a board game called “Escape-ish.” Lost every time.
Practiced mime. Warden asked if I was choking.
Won the Quiet Games. Still holding the record.

Pun-ishment That Fits the Crime

I got 10 years for bad jokes. Worth it.
He was charged with second-degree pun-slaughter.
Committed assault with a dad joke.
Sentenced to 5 years of puns. No parole.
Judge said my humor was a felony in 48 states.
My rap sheet’s just punchlines.
I plead insanity. Just to keep telling jokes.
Comedian in cuffs? That’s stand-up justice.
Threw a pun in public. Got cuffed for word battery.
Got caught running a joke cartel. It was pun-demonium.
Did time for grammar crimes. Apostrophe abuse.
Tried smuggling irony across borders. Borderline hilarious.
Arrested for wordplay trafficking.
Served a sentence. It was poorly constructed.
Told puns in prison. Now I run the place.

Behind Bars But Still Smiling

My cellmate does impressions. Mostly of people who aren’t in jail.
The prison cat started a podcast. Paws-itively terrible.
I gave stand-up comedy a try. Audience was forced.
Started journaling. It’s mostly doodles and bad haikus.
Shared my pillow. Now it’s on strike.
I asked for a window. Got a drawing.
I winked at the camera during lineup. They edited it out.
Every Tuesday is pretend-we’re-free day. Nobody wins.
Got a harmonica. Now everyone’s crying.
I told a pun, and the walls laughed.
Started reading Shakespeare. Now I talk in crimes of thee.
I made a friend. He’s a mop.
Wrote a novel: “50 Shades of Inmate.”
Tried prison stand-up again. Got sat down.
Drew a smiley face on my soap. It’s now my best pal.

Final Thoughts about Prison Jokes

If you made it this far without gettin’ locked up in fits of laughter, you deserve parole just for endurance. Prison jokes you can’t escape from are proof that even behind bars, humor finds a way to squeeze through the cracks. Which pun gave you life? Drop it in the comments or better yet, share this with a friend who’s been actin’ a little guilty of bad jokes themselves. Sentence them to a scroll through this list and see if they survive the laughter lockdown.

Luna Sophia

Luna Sophia is the witty mind behind Puns Guru, specializing in the art of delivering clever puns and laugh-out-loud jokes. With a passion for wordplay and a knack for humor, Luna brings a daily dose of laughter to readers around the world. When not crafting punchlines, Luna’s probably pun-dering the next great joke.

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