If you’ve been searching for the funniest cop jokes on patrol, then you, my friend, are under arrest… for having great taste. Yep, you’ve just walked straight into a laugh trap set with 150+ cop jokes that’ll arrest your boredom and probably handcuff your serious face. Whether you’re a pun-lover, a law enforcement officer with a hidden stand-up career, or just tryna kill some crime, this article’s gotcha covered.

No need to call backup this one’s all yours. Scroll through this comedy stakeout, and if you make it through without snorting once, we’ll assume you’re wearin’ a humor-proof vest.

Cuffed with Laughter: Classic Cop Jokes That’ll Arrest Your Boredom

• I asked the cop if he liked donuts he said it was a “code glaze.”
• The officer didn’t like jazz it had too many saxual offenses.
• Cops hate playing cards… always too many suspects in the deck.
• When the cop’s pen died, he said it was an inkvestigation failure.
• Arrested for loitering in my own thoughts officer said it was “internal dwelling.”
• That traffic cop? A total brake dancer at red lights.
• They made a police musical it got rave arrests.
• Cops don’t do karaoke they prefer mirandapella.
• The detective opened a bakery it was full of plainclothes pastries.
• Cop’s favorite sci-fi? “Star Warrant: The Arrest Awakens.”
• He arrested a mime said silence was suspicious.
• I told a cop a joke. He said, “You have the right to remain punny.”
• Officer brought a flashlight to the crime said it was a “light sentence.”

Undercover Giggles: Disguised Cop Puns One Liners

• The undercover cop moonlighted as a magician he always disappeared with the evidence.
• “Trust me, I’m not a cop,” he said… wearing aviators and a badge belt.
• They sent a chameleon cop undercover blended in too well, got promoted in the gang.
• His alias? Officer Notacop McCivilianface.
• That undercover officer wore Crocs to stay low-key truly the unsung shoeperhero.
• You could spot the undercover guy he whispered, “I’m blending in” every five minutes.
• The canine unit tried undercover work… but barked during every stakeout.
• The undercover cop’s codename? Agent 5-0 Shades of Gray.
• “I’m not a narc,” he said, taking notes on a badge-shaped notepad.
• The suspect said, “You look like a cop.” He replied, “I get that from my mom.”
• Went undercover at the bakery, left with glazed-over eyes.
• The fake tattoo said “Not A Cop” in Comic Sans.
• His disguise was flawless except for the siren ringtone.

Traffic Stop Shenanigans: Speeding Puns With Authority

• Got pulled over for speeding told the cop I was chasing my dreams.
• Officer clocked me at 88 mph told him I was going “Back to the Future.”
• Said I was late for work, he asked if I worked at NASCAR.
• Told the cop I wasn’t speeding, just emotionally unstable.
• My car doesn’t go fast, it just has commitment issues.
• He said I was doing 60 in a 25 I told him “Time flies!”
• Cop: “Do you know how fast you were going?” Me: “Faster than your jokes.”
• Pulled over by a cop on a Segway. I lost to dignity.
• Speeding? I prefer “time-efficient cruising.”
• Cop said “license and registration,” I handed him a Blockbuster card.
• My GPS said “turn left,” my instincts said “floor it.”
• He asked why I didn’t pull over sooner I said I had trust issues.
• The radar gun exploded turns out sarcasm travels faster than light.

Cop Cakes & Donut Breaks: Sweet Puns from the Precinct

• That cop’s diet? 80% donut, 20% probable cause.
• They found jelly fingerprints at the crime scene.
• Officer said he only eats powdered evidence.
• She got promoted after solving the sprinkles smuggling case.
• Donut shop gave them a “warrant-y” card for free refills.
• The chief said, “We donut negotiate with criminals.”
• Their break room smells like glaze and justice.
• That coffee was so strong it confessed to three felonies.
• Donut holes: the leading cause of lost time at the station.
• They wrote a ticket for “excessive icing.”
• Cupcake called in as a witness sounded flaky.
• The crime ring? It was just a cruller cartel.
• Suspect caught stealing crullers charged with pastry theft in the 3rd degree.

Crime Scene Chuckles: Forensic Funnies

• The forensics team found DNA… in the dad jokes.
• They chalked up the body outline with sidewalk crayons.
• Fingerprint guy’s motto? “Prints or it didn’t happen.”
• Blood splatter analyst moonlights as a modern artist.
• The scene had no leads just dance tracks.
• They arrested the footprint for loitering.
• Crime scene tape was actually just unused cautionary tales.
• One investigator only works with glitter evidence everything sparkles with suspicion.
• Suspect left behind a sandwich labeled it a “grilled confession.”
• The crime scene had jazz music clearly a smooth criminal.
• Victim said, “It was an inside job” from inside the fridge.
• Forensic intern misread the clues accused the mop.
• The bullet casing had a note: “You’ve been shelled.”

Badges & Sass: Sassy Cop Puns That Taser Your Funny Bone

• I told a cop my rights, he said, “I have sassier ones.”
• Their badge didn’t shine it glared.
• Officer gave me a citation for “excessive fabulousness.”
• He cuffed someone with attitude called it a sassault.
• She tasered a guy mid-eye roll.
• Her walkie-talkie only says, “Uh-uh honey.”
• The officer’s motto: “Arrest now, throw shade later.”
• They don’t do interrogations, they do read-throughs with flair.
• Cop said, “Talk to the badge, sweetie.”
• He told me I was under arrest for fashion crimes.
• Even the perp said, “Dang, that was cold.”
• She doesn’t chase criminals, she dismisses them.
• His cuffs had rhinestones.

Law & Lore: Historical Cop Puns for Smart-Alecks

• First cop ever? Sir Restalot of Medieval Constabuland.
• Hammurabi’s Code: Ancient world’s longest rap sheet.
• Sherlock never read rights, just minds.
• Caesar’s guard said, “Et Tu, in the drunk tank?”
• Their first polygraph? A twitchy scribe.
• Napoleon got pulled over couldn’t reach the pedals.
• The founding fathers were booked for Liberty Disturbance.
• Stone tablets were the original case files.
• Ancient cops had scrolls, not sirens.
• Plato: first detective to ask, “But why tho?”
• Pyramids were just Egyptian storage for unsolved cases.
• Robin Hood was arrested for “Arrowing behavior.”
• Mona Lisa was the first sketch of interest.

K-9 Unit Chaos: Barkin’ Mad Puns

• Dog cop said “paws up” before the arrest.
• His bark was probable cause.
• K-9 unit sniffed out the truth and a snack.
• Arrested a squirrel for “barking up the wrong tree.”
• Dog cop failed undercover chased his own tail on surveillance.
• “That’s not a leash, that’s a lie detector.”
• He took a bite outta crime and a sandwich.
• Dog badge? Made of rawhide.
• Their code word is “woof.”
• Tailswag was their form of communication.
• Canine’s motto: “In Dog We Trust.”
• Dog testified in court jury howled.
• They sniffed out 7 grams and 1 cat.

Station Shenanigans: Police Office Puns That Deserve a Citation

• The fax machine is the real chief always has the last word.
• Cop kept his mugshot on his coffee mug.
• The office chair’s wheels are under constant investigation.
• File room is a black hole of paperwork.
• The station’s mascot? A stapler named Justice.
• They hold daily meetings to arrest productivity.
• Breakroom fridge is on its 4th identity.
• Officer said the printer “resists authority.”
• Everyone avoids Janice she once tased a vending machine.
• “Why is this report sticky?” “You don’t want the syrupy truth.”
• Their desk fan knows all the dirt.
• The coffee’s been cold since ‘92.
• Lost and found now just “Found, but Weird.”

Rookie Mistakes: Puns That Should’ve Been Read Their Rights

• Rookie tried to arrest a mannequin called it a “suspiciously still suspect.”
• Forgot to read Miranda rights used song lyrics instead.
• Handcuffed himself to a mailbox.
• Called for backup on a coffee run.
• Tried to tase a fly accidentally rebooted the precinct’s Wi-Fi.
• Used pepper spray as cologne.
• Wrote citations in glitter pen.
• Locked himself in the squad car.
• Said “freeze!” to an actual snowman.
• Took notes in disappearing ink.
• Arrested a mime for “unspoken threats.”
• Gave directions to a suspect accidentally became an accomplice.
• Chased his own shadow for 3 blocks.

Cop Comedy Classics: Timeless Police Puns One Liners

• Cops and robbers is just professional tag with paperwork.
• He’s not just any cop he’s aristocratically funny.
• The chief? Total pun-ishment expert.
• That squad car? More like the laugh-mobile.
• Wrote me up for excessive punning guilty as charged.
• Took a perp to court he objected to our humor.
• The precinct dog is the barkitect of justice.
• She told dad jokes at the lineup everyone confessed.
• The pun squad is on patrol, armed with punchlines.
• Cops and clowns? One forgot his siren, the other forgot shame.
• This station’s 98% paperwork, 2% snack theft.
• Even the radio has a dry sense of humor.
• Which pun made you laugh the most? Share in the comments!

Final Thoughts about Cop Jokes

If you made it this far, congrats you’re officially charged… with first-degree laughter. These 150+ cop jokes that’ll arrest your boredom have probably left your sense of seriousness in the evidence locker. But hey, that’s what we call comedy justice.

Got a friend who needs a humor citation? Share this with ’em. And before you go tell us, which pun got you the most? Or better yet, make your own arresting one-liner below. You have the right to remain witty.

Luna Sophia

Luna Sophia is the witty mind behind Puns Guru, specializing in the art of delivering clever puns and laugh-out-loud jokes. With a passion for wordplay and a knack for humor, Luna brings a daily dose of laughter to readers around the world. When not crafting punchlines, Luna’s probably pun-dering the next great joke.